Are you grappling with the aftermath of your husband’s porn addiction, struggling to mend the shattered trust in your relationship? It’s a painful journey, filled with confusion and doubt, but rest assured, there is hope amidst the chaos. If you don’t even read any further, I want you to know that there IS hope for your relationship!
Rebuilding trust can start with you, and here are three actionable steps to help you restore faith in your marriage:
Step 1: Take Empowered Action
Feeling powerless in the face of addiction is a common theme I hear from many of my clients, but it’s crucial to recognize the power you still hold within yourself. Rebuilding trust isn’t solely your husband’s burden; it’s a collaborative effort between both partners. While he must take responsibility for his actions and contribute to the healing process, it’s essential to acknowledge that your decisions and efforts play a significant role in restoring trust and intimacy. To put it simply, trust can be broken by just one person, but it takes both people in the relationship to restore trust.
For example, start by setting clear boundaries. Communicate with your husband about what behaviors are acceptable to you and what are not. For instance, you might establish guidelines about when and where he can use electronic devices or agree on a plan for accountability software. By setting boundaries together, you’re creating a foundation of trust and respect. If you’d like help setting boundaries that work for you, check out THIS BLOG post.
Step 2: Get Professional Help
Navigating the complexities of trust and intimacy post-addiction can be overwhelming, which is where professional support can make a significant difference. Consider seeking guidance from a certified life coach who specializes in addiction recovery, betrayal trauma and/or relationship repair.
For example, I help women heal after betrayal by helping them set boundaries, help them retrain their “gut feeling” to know when something is off, and learn how to move forward and repair after betrayal. I also support couples in my program called The Thriving Couples Club, where I work side by side with fellow certified coach Matt Smith, giving couples their own safe space to heal, side-by-side, at the same pace, while giving each person their own professional. You can learn more about that program HERE.
The most common barrier to couples getting the help they need is the partner, who didn’t do the betraying, believing that it is the other partner’s responsibility to fix it. I am not saying that the betraying partner doesn’t have many things to fix and work on, but they can’t do the fixing on their own. Couple relationships always take effort from both partners, and repair after betrayal is no different. I felt a lot of resentment towards my spouse for “making me so broken I needed therapy” or coaching. Letting go of this type of resentment, and finding a professional who can walk you through the phases of fixing your relationship is an important step in fixing the relationship.
Step 3: Truly Take Care of Yourself, Reclaim Your Sanity
Constant uncertainty and doubt can be suffocating. It’s essential to reclaim your peace of mind during this chaotic time. Take proactive steps to silence the noise of uncertainty and find clarity within yourself.
Take time to purposefully practice self-care rituals. I am not talking about bubble baths and painting your nails here (although you can certainly do those things if you enjoy that). What I’m talking about is truly taking care of yourself. Getting enough rest and sleep, eating well, writing in a journal, regular sessions with your life coach, and reading helpful books are things that will truly care for you as the person. What would happen if you traded the time that you used to spend thinking about how angry you were at your partner for his betrayal, and instead practiced self care during that time? By prioritizing your well-being, you’re nurturing your resilience and inner strength. Remember, you deserve to feel calm and grounded, even in the midst of uncertainty.
The path to rebuilding trust after porn addiction may seem daunting, but with commitment, support, and actionable steps, healing is possible. You are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter, more fulfilling future ahead.
Want more support?
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💬 Get Personalized Help – If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start setting boundaries while allowing people to show you who they really are, I’d love to help. Schedule a consultation where we’ll talk about how coaching can help you rebuild trust, manage triggers, improve communication, and create a future you’re excited about. [Use THIS LINK to book your session.]
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🌱 Join the Community – Looking for a free, supportive space to heal from betrayal trauma? Come join us in my Facebook group, Humans Navigating Betrayal. [Click HERE to join.]
