Try On New Thoughts: Embracing the Power of Perspective
In the bustling realm of our minds, thoughts play the role of constant companions. They influence our stories, shape our perceptions, and create our emotions. Yet, how often do we pause to examine these thoughts, to assess whether they truly serve us? Imagine, for a moment, if you could treat your thoughts like the clothes you try on at a store. You pick them up, put them on, and decide whether they fit your life. This is the journey we embark on today, with the powerful notion that “Nothing has gone wrong here.”
At first glance, the idea that “Nothing has gone wrong here” might appear simplistic, even dismissive. Life is complex, filled with challenges, disappointments, and unexpected twists. How can we possibly embrace such a statement in the face of adversity, especially things like betrayal trauma and/or narcissistic abuse? The key lies in recognizing the profound power this idea holds and the transformative effect it can have on your life.
1. The Power of Perspective
Our perception of reality is intricately linked to the thoughts we entertain. When we constantly believe that something has gone wrong, we tend to adopt a victim mindset, relinquishing control over our lives. On the contrary, accepting the idea that “Nothing has gone wrong here” empowers us to view our circumstances through a different lens.
Consider a setback or obstacle you’ve faced recently. Instead of immediately labeling it as a problem, pause and reframe your perspective. What if this situation is not a catastrophe but an opportunity for growth, learning, or change? By choosing to see it in this light, you open the door to your own agency, realizing that only you can decide if something is wrong or not—with your thoughts.
2. Owning Your Power
Embracing the belief that “Nothing has gone wrong here” is an affirmation of your inner strength and resilience. It’s not about denying the existence of difficulties or hardships; it’s about taking control of your reactions to them. It’s recognizing that you have the capacity to adapt, overcome, and thrive in any situation.
When you shift your perspective from “things are wrong” to “I have the power to respond and adapt,” you become the author of your life’s narrative. You gain the ability to shape your reality, rather than being at the mercy of it. This is not toxic positivity; it’s a profound assertion of your capacity to choose how you perceive and respond to the world around you.
Here’s an example from my personal life. I was really looking forward to going to a concert. I had planned ahead and bought tickets to go. Last minute something came up at home that prevented me from going to the concert. I couldn’t get my money back. You bet I was disappointed! But I also knew I didn’t want to make that emotion a problem. Here’s how the rest of that experience unfolded… I sat with my emotion, felt it, and even cried a little. My thought was “This is the life I choose. I’m a single mom, and sometimes things come up. I’m glad I could make it work to take care of the things at home that needed to be taken care of immediately.” AND I was disappointed. But I didn’t think that the disappointment was a problem. In fact, I WANT to be disappointed when plans I was excited about don’t work out. It helps me feel human and alive. It also helps me really appreciate and enjoy the times when plans do work out.
3. The feeling isn’t the problem, the problem is the problem.
In contrast, if I had made feeling disappointed a problem, I know I would have started playing the blame game, looking for someone or something to aim my feelings toward. And pretty quickly, disappointment would have likely turned to anger and playing the victim.
But here’s the thing, the emotion itself is NOT a problem. It is a vibration in my body. The way I experience disappointment is a heaviness in my chest, dropped shoulders, and relaxed face. That feeling is not going to harm me. It feels uncomfortable, but it’s not dangerous. So feeling the feeling is not a problem. The “problem” that came up that required me to stay home was the problem. And I spent some time taking care of that and practicing self care.
When you can see the problem as the problem it frees you up to feel the feeling, move through it, and be ready to create new, more comfortable emotions with new thoughts.
4. The Responsibility of Self-Care
Before we conclude, it’s crucial to underscore that embracing this mindset doesn’t mean enduring abusive or harmful situations. This blog post is not advocating that you should stay in such circumstances and tell yourself everything is okay. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, please seek professional help and take immediate steps to ensure your safety. Your well-being should always be a top priority.
In essence, “Nothing has gone wrong here” is an invitation to examine your thoughts, to try on new perspectives, and to recognize the immense power you hold within. It’s a reminder that while you can’t control everything that happens in life, you can control how you respond to it.
Because I was able to handle the disappointment of missing my concert and didn’t make it a problem, it meant I was free to fully enjoy another concert I had planned to attend that week. I spent extra time in the days leading up to the second concert, making sure that nothing came up that would prevent me from going.
And this second concert was the one that I really wanted to go to, where my new favorite up-and-coming artist Kelsey Lamb would be performing! (Seriously, as soon as you are done reading this, and booking a session with me if you want to, you need to go check out her new song You Made Me! I promise you will love it too!)
During the break in the show I got to meet Kelsey and tell her how excited I was to be at her concert. I told her this was the highlight of my week after missing a concert earlier in the week. She asked who’s concert I’d missed and I told her. The first song she sang after the break was my favorite song by the other band I had missed. I hadn’t told her it was my favorite song, and I didn’t ask her to play it. I felt SO CONNECTED human to human in that moment. I felt like the whole world had stopped just for me.
(*Also stay tuned: exact arrangements are still being worked out, but Kelsey Lamb just may be a special guest at our next Empower YOU Retreat June 25-29, 2024 in Seaside Oregon. Make sure you are on my email list so you don’t miss those announcements.)
I would have missed all this if I had made missing the previous concert a problem and played the victim. Instead, I shared my gratitude for being at the second show, and created a beautiful moment I will never forget. In fact maybe, just maybe, this all turned out better than it would have if all my plans had just worked out. I was able to spend the first night connecting with my kids and taking care of the actual “problem”, and then got to spend an evening connecting in real life to a woman who is changing the world with her music. Honestly, I think it worked out perfectly. But I wouldn’t have seen any of this if I had made my feeling of disappointment a problem.
By embracing this empowering thought, “nothing has gone wrong here,” you can embark on a journey toward a more resilient, hopeful, and fulfilling existence. So, why not give it a try? Your life might just be transformed by the power of perspective.
If what you have read resonates with you, and are looking for help and guidance as you heal, I am here to help you. I help empower women by helping them see the power of their thoughts in creating their current life, and help them learn how to use that power to now create the life they want. I help them get rid of the criticizing and unsure voice that is left in their head after experiencing narcissistic abuse. Don’t spend another day letting that voice live rent free in your mind. Let me help you get rid of it once and for all!
I invite you to schedule a single coaching call with me where you can experience life coaching before deciding if you’d like to work together. If you are wondering if you are ready to take this step, I will say this: if you are even thinking about it, it means it is time. Coaching spots are filling quickly and I only have a few spots open. I’m pretty sure one of those spots has your name on it. Working with a life coach lets your future self speak up in your life! Life coaching is designed to help you get to where you really want to go. Don’t make your future self wait any longer. It’s time to give coaching a try! Go HERE to schedule your personal call now.
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