If you’re just finding this blog series, welcome. This is part 7 of a 10-part journey walking through real stories and real steps to move forward after betrayal. You can start at the beginning with Blog 1: Acknowledging the Pain.
You’re Not the Only One
Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood parts of healing after betrayal. It doesn’t mean you’re saying what happened was okay. It means you’re choosing to stop carrying the anger every day. That’s a hard ask when you’ve been deeply hurt by someone you trusted most.
I see this moment often in my work with women, when they’ve come so far and then hit this wall. They want peace, but they don’t want to minimize what happened. And they don’t want to be told to “just let it go.” If you’ve felt that inner tension, you’re not the only one.
Sarah’s Made Room
Sarah had already made huge progress in her marriage. She and Tom were talking openly again. Intimacy felt safer. Trust was slowly growing. But even with all of that, she still felt anger and sadness linger, especially during quiet moments.
I walked Sarah through something I call a Loss List. She listed everything she felt she’d lost: the version of Tom she thought she knew, the certainty in her relationship, and the time and energy spent just surviving the pain. Writing it out helped her stop pretending that “moving on” meant pretending it didn’t matter.
One evening, Sarah burned the list. Alone outside, she lit the paper, watched it turn to ash, and spoke out loud to the night. She wasn’t “healed” in that moment, but something inside her shifted. She gave herself permission to stop carrying what she couldn’t fix. And that made room for something new.
Then came her Gains List. Sarah wrote down everything she’d gained through this awful, unwanted chapter: strength, boundaries, clarity, patience, and a deeper understanding of herself. The list surprised her. It reminded her that while she wouldn’t have chosen this path, she was proud of the woman she was becoming.
That shift didn’t mean the pain disappeared. But forgiveness became possible—because it wasn’t about Tom. It was about Sarah choosing not to carry what no longer served her.
Sandra’s Loss List
Sandra’s path looked different because she’s walking it on her own. She was once engaged, but after repeated betrayals, she decided to end the relationship. Forgiveness still mattered, but in a new way.
We worked on Sandra’s Loss List together in group coaching. She wrote about the years she spent trying to help him change, the dreams she had for their future, and the way betrayal had chipped away at her confidence. She cried as she read it back, and then quietly folded the paper and placed it under a rock during a solo hike. She sat there for a long time, letting the pain settle.
A week later, she brought her Gains List to our group call. “I’ve learned how to trust myself again,” she said. “I’ve gained the ability to sit with hard emotions without running away. And I’m finally sleeping through the night.”
Forgiveness, for Sandra, wasn’t about a relationship. It was about no longer letting her past define every part of her present. She still has hard days, but she’s learning that peace isn’t just for other people. It’s something she’s building, one step at a time.
Forgiveness is a choice you make for yourself
Whether you’re still in your relationship or you’ve decided to move on, forgiveness is a choice you make for yourself, not to excuse what happened, but to create space for something better.
Forgiveness isn’t a one-size-fits-all step. It’s messy and personal. But you don’t have to do it alone. In group coaching, we walk through each of these steps together, real women, real pain, and real hope.
What’s Next
Next week, we’ll dive into Step 8: Redefining the Relationship (or Life) You Want because no one should go through this alone. Whether you’re married, separated, or single, having the right kind of support is essential.
If you’re just joining us, this is Blog 7 in a 10-part series on healing after betrayal. Be sure to check back each Monday for the next 3 steps to healing, or click [Here] to join my email list and get the next post sent directly to your inbox as soon as it is published.
If you’re ready to walk this journey alongside others who truly get it, my Group Coaching Program is open now. You’ll be surrounded by women who are rebuilding after betrayal—some staying in their marriages, some not—but all committed to healing. Get instant access to all 10 steps, weekly coaching, replays of all coaching calls, and a community of other amazing women who are also healing after betrayal.
If you feel like you would benefit from one-on-one coaching and like individual support, use this link to schedule a private life coaching consultation now.
You don’t have to do this alone. Healing is possible, and it starts right here.
