As a divorced woman I get asked a lot “what did you do with your old wedding ring?” Well friends, I threw mine into a lake! Perhaps not the best advice if your ring is actually worth some money. Mine was not, it was less than $500 NEW and it was worth about $20 at a pawn shop. And let me tell you, I got way more than $20 worth of joy out of watching it fling through the air. Seriously, it makes me smile and laugh every time I think about it.
I thought a lot about what to do with it because it honestly had brought me a fair amount of pain throughout my 9 year marriage. My ex and I were in college when we got engaged, so money was tight. I told him I wanted a ring with a diamond on it. He refused, saying it would cost too much, and besides, neither of his parents had diamonds on their rings and I would be just fine without one. This should have been a red flag then! Unfortunately I ignored a lot of red flags back then.
One day when I was at the mall I saw Fred Meyer Jewelers having a sale and popped in. I found a tiny solitaire and a fun band that had tiny little diamonds going around it. It was $475 total. I put a downpayment on it myself and went home to tell him the good news of what a STEAL I had found! I was totally pleased with it. It took more than a week of BEGGING to convince him to go get it. What that begging and so many other little things over the years from him taught me, was that he didn’t think I, or our love, was worth $500.
Money was always an issue in our marriage. I wish I had loved myself enough back then to have left at all the red flags I saw, but I didn’t. I thought my whole purpose in life was to get married and have babies. I thought he was the best I was ever going to get. I’m glad I’ve learned better now.
So fast forward to a lovely summer day, while visiting Glendo, WY, I found myself at a lake with a group of women from the retreat I was on. I was divorced at this time and had brought this old ring with me on the trip, not knowing exactly what to do with it. The inspiration came to me like a vision from the heavens! I took the ring from my pocket, I looked at it one last time. I felt all the hurt and rejection that the ring now represented. I allowed those feelings to come. And then, talking to the ring, I said “I’m done with your lies! Not only am I worth $500, I’m worth so much more than that! These lies leave me NOW!”
And then I threw the ring, this tiny round symbol of failed love, as hard as I could into that lake. The ring left my grip, went much further out than I imagined, catching the sunlight a couple times as it flew, and then dropped into the water without even a trace of splash. It was gone. And now the ring lies with Mother Earth, the great recycler, who can take the old, and transform it to the new.
It is such a beautiful metaphor for so much of the healing I have done the last number of years. I don’t accept others treating me badly. I love myself so much more than I ever have. And I don’t hold on to old thoughts and beliefs that are no longer serving me. I’m on a road, a journey, and there is, of course, more work to be done. Some work can simply be done in my mind, or by writing it out on paper. And then there are other things that need a ceremony. So dear reader, if all your ring holds are bad memories and feelings, and not worth much money, I HIGHLY recommend throwing it in a lake! Ha! If however, your ring is actually worth money and can be sold I am useless on advice of where or how to sell it.
If you are looking to move forward from the pain of the past, after divorce, trauma, or other big events, I am here to help you. I specialize in working with women who have experienced betrayal trauma and/or divorce, although I enjoy working with all women. I can help you understand your mind, learn how to let go of the past, and move forward, getting the results you want. I love helping women create their own rituals and activities to help them move forward, and I can help YOU! Click HERE to schedule a FREE coaching consultation. I promise from the very first session you will have new, practical tools to help you move on now!
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As always these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. This does not count as legal, financial or life advice. If you throw your ring in a lake after reading this I congratulate you, but remind you that you are responsible for that choice, not me. Ha!