Redefining Your Identity After Betrayal: Who Would You Be Without This Story?

As I sit with you in this moment, dear reader, I invite you to ponder a profound question: Who would you be without this story?

In my work as a life coach, I’ve encountered numerous women navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal in their relationships. These women often find themselves entangled in stories of victimhood, their identities intertwined with the pain inflicted upon them. Whether it’s the heart-wrenching betrayal of infidelity, a partner’s hidden porn addiction or the violation of boundaries, the aftermath leaves deep scars that can shape how you see yourself and interact with the world.

Take a moment to think about the stories you hold inside.  Really think about them.  Now…what if you dared to rewrite the script? What if you refused to let betrayal define you?  What if you were to give your story a twist–it isn’t only about what HAS happened…it is also about what HASN’T happened YET!  

I’ve seen how looking at things differently can change everything. When you ditch old ideas about yourself and adopt new ones that make you feel strong and resilient, it’s like finally breaking free from chains. It all begins with realizing that while your past has shaped you, it doesn’t have to control you any longer..

Take, for instance, my client Sue who believed herself destined to be “stuck” in a loveless marriage because she couldn’t afford to leave. By simply adding the word “yet” to her story, she unlocked a newfound sense of agency and possibility. Suddenly, she was no longer a prisoner of circumstance but a woman empowered to chart her own course.  (You can read more about how to do that HERE in this blog.)

Or consider another client who saw herself as perpetually drawn to “bad guys,” a self-fulfilling prophecy that only reinforced her sense of powerlessness. Through intentional introspection and a willingness to challenge her ingrained beliefs, she began to rewrite her narrative. She embraced the idea of dating with intention, of choosing partners who aligned with her values and goals.  

And then there’s my client Ava who carried the weight of her past betrayals like a burden, convinced that she was irreparably broken. Through our work together, she learned to see herself not as a victim of circumstance, but as a survivor with the strength to heal and grow and is now thriving.  Ava was more than a person who had been married to a narcissist, she was someone who was capable of living on her own, starting a business and thriving without a partner.  

Dear reader, I invite you to explore the stories you tell yourself, to question the identities you’ve constructed in the wake of betrayal. What if you were more than the sum of your past traumas? What if you were capable of writing a new chapter, one filled with resilience, empowerment, and self-love?  What if you allowed yourself to imagine what hasn’t happened yet?

As your guide on this journey of self-discovery, I offer you a gentle reminder: You are not defined by your pain. You are not held captive by the stories of betrayal that have shaped you. You are more than what others have done to you.  And you have the power to make the future whatever you want it to be. 

Who would you be without this story of betrayal?  Who would you be if you stepped forward, ready to create a world where you were stronger than anything anyone else had ever done to you? 

These aren’t just empty promises, this is what I help my clients do every day.  Yes, horrible things happened to you.  But what could ALSO be true?  Could it be true that you are capable of healing your emotional wounds so that you can move forward into the future, and leave the betrayal behind?  The answer is YES!  Yes, you are capable of that.  And I can help you.

Working with me does not mean that we pretend that the past didn’t happen, or act like what others did to you didn’t hurt.  Quite the contrary.  Working with me means looking at the past head on, honoring the pain you feel, and then moving forward, ready to take back your power, end the pain, and create something new in the future.

I typically work with people for 6 months at a time.  During the first month we Get Going!  We work through the past, start to understand where your real power lies, and make decisions of what you want.  Month 2 you start to Take Back Control. You gain a deep understanding of where past problems have been coming from, and have renewed self-confidence, stronger than you’ve ever had before.  During month 3 you become the Expert Creator of your own life.  Stories of the past are no longer in the driver’s seat and you are making decisions for yourself and you love your reasons for making them.  You feel really empowered!  Month 4 you become an expert in setting and holding boundaries, creating and accomplishing goals, and really become the Creator of your Dreams!  Month 5 is when trust gets repaired and you let your own values guide your life.  No longer adjusting your boundaries to fit others’ behavior, you become the Relationship Designer.  And finally month 6 together is all about self-mastery and deciding what your future is going to be.  All of the work we do is about forward movement for your life, away from the old trauma stories that held you captive.

Who will you be without old stories holding you back?  Now is the time to find out!  Use THIS LINK to schedule a 60 minute coaching call with me where we will talk about what has happened in the past to get you to this place, do some coaching, and then we will map out your next 6 months.  By the end of our time together you will know what life will look like after working with me for 6 months.  This is a no-pressure call where I just want to show you what is possible.

So what do you say?  Are you ready to honor the past, and then kick those old stories to the curb and work together to rewrite the next chapter of your story?  I’m ready to help you.  I’ll see you on our call together soon.

Before we part ways, I want to extend a heartfelt invitation to join my community. If you’re not already on my email list, I encourage you to click HERE and become a valued member. By doing so, you’ll receive timely notifications when new blog posts go live, offering you a regular dose of positive truths about relationships, insights into navigating betrayal trauma, and strategies for overcoming narcissistic abuse. 

If you know someone struggling with relationship challenges, working to build self-confidence, or seeking guidance to make decisions they can feel good about, be their guiding light. Share this blog with them and invite them to my page. Together, we can empower others to make choices that resonate with their true selves. Because, deep down, I believe each human is their own best expert.

If what you find in this article resonates with you, there’s more waiting for you on my Facebook page. Click HERE to discover additional insights, and make sure to hit the follow button so you don’t miss any of the helpful content that I share there.

As you contemplate your next steps, remember that the power to change your life for the better lies within you. If you’re ready for gentle, wise guidance as you face these challenging decisions, don’t let time slip away. Book a session now, and start your journey towards healing and clarity together.

Looking forward to connecting with you soon!

Kendra Last, Certified Life Coach & Retreat Leader

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My name is Kendra Last

I’m a life coach and author of the book Journaling to Recovery: A Reference Guide to Healing from Betrayal Trauma. I have been working in the betrayal recovery world for almost a decade. I’ve been there, and I will help you let go of the pain of the past, help you recognize your own inner beauty and strength, and help you learn to celebrate yourself again.

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