When you can’t afford to leave a toxic relationship…Yet.

Are you frustrated that you want to leave a toxic relationship, but can’t figure out how to do it?  I understand if you’re feeling stuck. It’s a tough spot to be in, especially when you’re in a toxic relationship, suffocating under its weight, and longing for freedom. You want out, but that nagging voice keeps telling you, “I can’t. I don’t have enough money.”

I’ve walked alongside countless women like you, trapped in a cycle of despair, feeling financially handcuffed in relationships they desperately want to leave. But let me tell you something important: that feeling of being stuck? It’s not permanent. It’s just a roadblock, and trust me, there’s a way around it.

Now, let’s talk about a powerful little word: yet. It may seem insignificant, but it holds immense power. When you add “yet” to the end of your statements, something transformative can happen. Your brain shifts into problem-solving mode. Suddenly, instead of dwelling on what you can’t do, you start thinking about what you can do.

Remember those old thoughts, like “I don’t have enough money to leave”? They used to weigh heavily on your shoulders, didn’t they? But now, armed with the power of “yet,” those thoughts take on a new light. “I don’t have enough money to leave yet.” Do you feel the shift? It’s subtle, yet profound.

Let’s dive deeper. Before, you might have felt overwhelmed by the idea of leaving. You couldn’t see a way out, and the financial barrier seemed insurmountable. But now, with “yet” guiding your thoughts, the situation changes.

Before: “I can’t afford to leave because I don’t have a job.”

After: “I don’t have a job yet, but I’m exploring different employment opportunities and building my skills.”

Before: “I don’t know how I’ll support myself and my children on my own.”

After: “I don’t know how to support myself and my children on my own yet, but I’m researching financial assistance programs and seeking guidance.”

Before: “I’m trapped in this relationship because my partner controls all the finances.”

After: “I’m in a tough spot with my partner controlling the finances, yet I’m reaching out to support groups and seeking legal advice to understand my options.”

See the difference? It’s about reframing your mindset and acknowledging that your current circumstances don’t define your future. You have the power to change your narrative.

Now, let’s focus on practical steps. Start by asking yourself the right questions. How much money do you actually need to leave? What steps can you take to increase your income or access resources? And don’t underestimate the value of seeking support from professionals who can provide guidance and clarity.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. With the right mindset and support, you can overcome the obstacles in your path and pave the way to a brighter future.

So, the next time you catch yourself saying, “I can’t,” remember to add that magic word: yet. Because where there’s a will, there’s a way.

I help my clients reach their relationship goals and break down what they want into smaller, more manageable pieces.  So whether your goal is to leave a toxic relationship, or to improve the relationship you are in, I can help.  If you would like individualized help from someone trained to look at the big picture with you, use THIS LINK to schedule a call with me, where you will get individualized help.  I promise that you don’t have to stay stuck forever.  I’m here to help you.

Here are 10 practical ways this approach to thinking could help you if you are contemplating leaving your relationship:

  1. Setting Clear Goals: By reframing your thoughts with “yet,” you can set clear, achievable goals for yourself, such as finding employment, securing housing, or establishing financial independence.
  2. Researching Financial Resources: You can use the power of “yet” to motivate yourself to research financial resources available to you, such as government assistance programs, job training initiatives, or community support services.
  3. Exploring Employment Opportunities: Instead of feeling stuck in your current situation, you can explore different employment opportunities, update your resume, and network with professionals in your desired field.
  4. Seeking Legal Advice: With the mindset of “yet,” you can seek out legal advice to understand your rights and options regarding divorce, child custody, and financial support (both child support and alimony), empowering you to make informed decisions.
  5. Building a Support Network: You can reach out to friends, family members, support groups, a life coach or therapists who can provide emotional support, guidance, and encouragement as you navigate the challenges of leaving a toxic relationship.  The Facebook Group “Humans Navigating Betrayal” could also be a great resource for you.
  6. Creating a Safety Plan: By adopting a proactive mindset, you can create a safety plan to protect yourself and your children from potential harm, including identifying safe places to go and establishing communication protocols in case of emergencies.
  7. Documenting Financial Assets: You can start documenting financial assets, including bank accounts, investments, and property, to ensure a fair division of assets during divorce proceedings and to safeguard your financial future.
  8. Exploring Housing Options: Instead of feeling limited by your current living situation, you can research housing options, such as shelters, transitional housing programs, families that may be able to help, or rental assistance programs, that can provide you with a safe and stable environment to start from.
  9. Developing Financial Literacy: With the mindset of “yet,” you can take steps to improve your financial literacy, such as budgeting, saving, and managing credit, empowering you to make sound financial decisions for yourself and your family.
  10. Seeking Professional Guidance: Finally, you can seek professional guidance from therapists, counselors, financial advisors, and legal experts who can provide personalized support and assistance tailored to your specific needs and circumstances.

By embracing the power of “yet” and taking proactive steps towards change, you can gradually overcome the obstacles in your path and create a brighter, more empowered future for yourself and your loved ones.  

I have all the faith in the world that you can do this.  You just need to start with your first step!

Before we part ways, I want to extend a heartfelt invitation to join my community. If you’re not already on my email list, I encourage you to click HERE and become a valued member. By doing so, you’ll receive timely notifications when new blog posts go live, offering you a regular dose of positive truths about relationships, insights into navigating betrayal trauma, and strategies for overcoming narcissistic abuse. 

If you know someone struggling with relationship challenges, working to build self-confidence, or seeking guidance to make decisions they can feel good about, be their guiding light. Share this blog with them and invite them to my page. Together, we can empower others to make choices that resonate with their true selves. Because, deep down, I believe each human is their own best expert.

If what you find in this article resonates with you, there’s more waiting for you on my Facebook page. Click HERE to discover additional insights, and make sure to hit the follow button so you don’t miss any of the helpful content that I share there.

As you contemplate your next steps, remember that the power to change your life for the better lies within you. If you’re ready for gentle, wise guidance as you face these challenging decisions, don’t let time slip away. Book a session now, and start your journey towards healing and clarity together.

Looking forward to connecting with you soon!

Warm regards,

Kendra Last, Certified Life Coach & Retreat Leader

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My name is Kendra Last

I’m a life coach and author of the book Journaling to Recovery: A Reference Guide to Healing from Betrayal Trauma. I have been working in the betrayal recovery world for almost a decade. I’ve been there, and I will help you let go of the pain of the past, help you recognize your own inner beauty and strength, and help you learn to celebrate yourself again.

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